General Improvement·General Essay

A Hobby That Changed My Life

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下面的每一个分数、每一条错误、每一个学习建议,都来自付费用户作文走的同一套批改流程—— 我们写了这篇作文、提交上去,然后把返回的结果原样发布,得分 Developing。卡片可以逐个展开, 学习模块的链接也都能点开,无需注册。

成绩 Developing
ClarityCompetent
优点

The main idea is clear: running is a hobby that positively impacted the writer's life.;The essay is easy to follow overall, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect.

待改进

Some sentences are slightly awkward and require re-reading, such as 'I want to talk about my hobby, it is running.';A few pronoun references are unclear, like 'this kind of confidence help me' where 'this' could be more specific.

OrganizationCompetent
优点

The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.;Each paragraph has a distinct purpose: discovery, progress, enjoyment, and personal change.

待改进

Transitions between paragraphs are abrupt; adding linking words like 'However' or 'Moreover' would improve flow.;The conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points more explicitly.

GrammarDeveloping
优点

The writer uses a variety of sentence structures, including some complex sentences.;Simple past and present tenses are mostly used correctly.

待改进

There are frequent errors in subject-verb agreement, such as 'my friend suggest' and 'Running also change me'.;Verb tense inconsistencies occur, like 'I start to run' instead of 'I started to run'.;Article usage is often incorrect, e.g., 'a exercise' should be 'an exercise'.

VocabularyDeveloping
优点

The writer uses some descriptive words like 'fresh' and 'proud'.;The essay includes a few good phrases like 'give up easily'.

待改进

Vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive; words like 'run' and 'feel' are used frequently.;There are some imprecise word choices, such as 'in that day' instead of 'on that day'.

反馈摘要

This essay clearly communicates the positive impact of running on your life, with a logical structure and genuine personal reflection. The main areas to work on are grammar accuracy, particularly subject-verb agreement and verb tenses, as well as expanding your vocabulary to make the writing more engaging. Next time, try proofreading for these specific grammar points and using a thesaurus to vary your word choices.

重点提升方向:

主谓一致(Subject Verb Agreement)动词时态(Verb Tenses)冠词(Articles)介词(Prepositions)
发现错误

下面每一条都直接引用自这篇作文本身,按严重程度排序。

语法

词汇

母语干扰

母语干扰分析 — 中文

我们在本次作文中发现了 13 处错误,涉及 5 个类别,符合中文母语者的已知干扰模式。这些不是能力缺陷——而是中英文差异造成的可预测挑战。认识到这些规律是克服它们的第一步。

Write about a hobby or activity that has had a positive impact on your life. How did you discover it? What do you enjoy most about it? Explain how this hobby has changed you as a person or improved your daily life.

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这篇作文是为演示而写的,模拟一位中文母语学习者在这个水平上的写法,提交后未作任何修改——没有引用任何学生的文章。为演示构造的作文,错误分布会比真实作文更均匀,这也正是它读起来清楚的原因。

I want to talk about my hobby, it is running. I start to run three years ago when I was in the university. At that time I was very fat and I always feel tired in the class, so my friend suggest me to run with him in the morning. At the first time it was very difficult. I can only run about ten minutes and then I need to stop and walk. But I keep running three times every week, and after two month I can run five kilometer without stop. I feel very proud of myself in that day. The thing I enjoy most is the feeling in the morning. When I run in the park, the air is fresh and there are not many people. I can think about many thing quietly, and sometimes I get a good idea for my work. Running also change me a lot. Before I was a person who give up easily, but now I know if I keep doing something every day, I will see the result. This kind of confidence help me in my study and also in my job. So running is not only a exercise for me. It is a friend who always stay with me.

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  • 保留你的思路与结构,换成更强的表达
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